I wrote this many years ago during a time of contemplation. I have been a part of it all... Molestations, rapes, lost loves, miscarriages, neglect, abuse, abandonment, blackballed, the deaths of beloveds, the deaths of friendships, of relationships; There isn't much I can think of I haven't experienced, and sometimes the whole thing exhausts my mind in the contemplation of it all. I am a natural loner and often feel alone.....thus, the poem.

This poem was written when I had just lost two people; One a dear surrogate-mother, to death, and the other a beloved friend, to a destroyed relationship. I was bereft at the losses all at once, with no way to reverse the causes of the losses. This poem has become the anthem for all the losses suffered since.

I wrote this upon hearing my 42 year-old nephew had died of aids complications. He began life a decent child, a bit feistier than his siblings, and by his teens had embarked on the road to his demise. I was more a sibling, too, than an aunt, as we were all so close in age. So, our lives were as a mesh. When I was told he had aids from drug use, I did not want him close to the little ones of the family, as he was still taking drugs and drinking heavily, which led to him getting sick in the presence of the family.

His siblings felt I should be more understanding and I just could not. I had lost 2 sisters to "standard" diseases for which there were no cures, and it angered me to think he had the opportunity to delay this one when two fine people could not.

Well, I adored the child that was my nephew, but could not come to grips with the man that was my nephew. I thank God He was in his faith in those last years.