I thought you needed my support,
as I watched your body sway in the hospital elevator,
I touched your elbow with a finger,
grazing gently,
and witnessed how your body shrank away.

I thought, this time,
I could be just a ghost,
so slightly beside you that
you would not even feel my texture.

Here was my most minimal offering,
I could be your pillar,
Let you lean against my wall defenses,
but you moved so far away that
I know I would never be an anchor
for any of your weakness.

It is in ways like this,
that I have come to understand
how you would choose death
in any of its disguises,
rather than allow your closet needs to
create a new shape for us.

All of this in the elevator,
makes me think,
"You are so hard to love."

All of this in the elevator,
makes me wonder,
"Am I so hard to love, too?"